Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Q (Review)

     Netflix is the greatest invention in the history of mankind, right next to spaceflight and modern medicine.  It allow me to catch up on movies I've missed, see movies I never would have seen before, nostalgically relive my childhood movie memories, and in the case of "Q," watch something from years past and think, "How immature did I have to be to ever think that was even remotely good?"  Ah, the innocence and ignorance of youth. 

     "Q" doesn't even really qualify as a B-movie or '80s camp.  It's a step below that; closer to MST3k-able (that's mockable to those who don't know) and straight to video.  Starring Kung Fu's own David Carradine, Shaft, himself, Richard Roundtree, and Michael Moriarty, who you might recoginize from a lot of TV guest shots.  I remember him from his starring role in "The Stuff;" an infinately more watchable campy, B '80s monster/horror movie.  "Q" actually starts off ok.  There's some campy, bad SFX gore in the way of a decapitated window washer, a completely skinned human corpse, and some bloody skeletal remains and the acting is actually pallatable for a bad early '80s horror/monster movie.  Then, there is a lot of what can be called plot, almost too much for a movie about a giant, flying snake eating people in New York, there's some more gore and random Q attacks, but not enough for fans of gory horror/slasher type films, and then, at what can vaguely be called the start of the third act, the movie really just bogs down.  Right when you are ready for the big end battle, which is the way all these movies must end, we shift to the sub plot; chasing the people who are committing human sacarifice to bring about the return of the winged, Aztec god, Quetzalcoatl.  (Q, get it!  Sorry, I know I seem to be giving away the entire plot here, but, unless you are increadibly thick, you'll figure all this out very quickly.  Besides, If you are actually going to enjoy this movie, plot is not what you are watching it for.)  Once we plod through the sub plot, we finally get to the actual final battle with the beast, the obligitory fake ending, the real ending, where they actually try to make it seem like Moriarty's character has grown, and we fade to credits with the, also, obligatory, sequel setup/the monster is not dead bit. 
     Ok, I dogged this movie pretty badly, but it deserved it.  Don't get me wrong.  I love cheesy, campy monster movies.  However, they have to qualify as a movie first, and "Q" feels more like a movie of the week, or, in more modern terms, one of those terrible "Made for SyFy" movies.  Unless your night is going to involve a group of friends making fun of whatever you are watching, or maybe some heavy alcohol or drug use (kids, just say "No.") I wouldn't recommend "Q." 

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